Thursday, June 22, 2006

Tehelka Stings India TV, Uncovers Fake Sting Operation Racket

New Delhi:

Tehelka.com, the website behind such sting operations as the Cash for Query Scandal today announced that it had conducted a Sting Operation on India TV, a news channel's offices in New Delhi. Mr. Tarun Tejpal, Tehelka's editor, announced that he and a team of Sting specialists had uncovered a racket of filming Fake Sting Operations which was carried out of sets erected in India TV's offices. Mr. Tejpal claims that the editor of India TV, Mr. Rajat Sharma runs an elaborate extortion network out of his studio in New Delhi. The size and scale of his operation is said to rival the activities of Chhota Shakeel and Dawood Ibrahim.

Mr. Tejpal made a presentation detailing India TV's modus operandi. It is believed that Mr. Sharma first identifies his victims and makes the preliminary extortion call. He is said to frighten his victim with the threat of subjecting him to a sting operation if he failed to pay up. Most of his victims preferred to pay off their tormentor, while the unfortunate ones end up starring in India TV's fake sting operations videos.

The Delhi police has followed up on the leads provided on the case and has come out with the motivations of Mr. Rajat Sharma. It is believed that due to the lack of credibility of India TV, advertising revenues are practically non-existent for the channel, and the extortion network provides the crucial income on which the channel survives.

Monday, May 29, 2006

Government Unprepared for Rains, Amends Constitution to Stop Monsoon

Mumbai

The Maharashtra State Government today announced that despite year-long efforts, it has been unable to prepare itself adequately for the onset of the Rains. The Met Department has forecast rains to hit the state in the first week of June.

However, the Government said that it has back-up plans in place, if last ditch efforts to salvage the situation fail. It plans to ask the Central Government to bring forward a constitutional amendment which would seek to make it illegal for the Rain-Gods to advance on the state of Maharashtra.

It is reliably learnt that the State Government initially wanted to propose an amendment to ban the Monsoon from passing through the whole country. However, this proposal met with stiff opposition from the arid states of Rajasthan and Gujarat. Hence, it has been decided to restrict the amendment only to the state of Maharashtra.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Saurav Ganguly submits tax returns, IT Dept suspects under-declaration

Kolkata

Mr. Saurav Ganguly, former captain of the Indian Cricket Team, filed his annual tax returns in Kolkata 2 weeks ago. This has created a controversy over the last week, with the Kolkata office of the Income Tax Department raising concerns that Mr. Ganguly has under-declared his income for the last year in order to save tax.

The Income Tax department has based its allegations on the fact that there has been a significant difference in the amount declared by Mr. Ganguly between last year and this year. It cites this as reason enough to suspect that Mr. Ganguly has attempted to under-declare his income for the year.

Mr. Ganguly's lawyer, however, has said that the whole controversy was an attempt by Mr. Greg Chappel and Mr. Kiran More, coach and selector of the Indian Cricket team respectively, to humiliate his client. In his opinion the difference in declaration was due to the fact that Mr. Ganguly had been dropped from the National Team and hence had to depend only on his advertising contract with Sona Chandi Chyavanprash to support himself.

Pak Asks India to Stop Cross-Border Terrorism, Asks for Handover of Mahesh Bhat

Islamabad

The Pakistani Government today strongly urged India to give up its policy of cross-border terrotism targeted at Pakistan. The Foreign Minister of Pakistan declared that India had decided to avenge what India termed as infiltration of terrorists into India, by sending even more dangerous people into Pakistan.

The minister named Bollywood film director Mr. Mahesh Bhat as the foremost terrorist to have visited his country recently. Mr. Bhat is well known for his opinions on all types of issues. He is feared in India for his capacity to speak non-stop for hours on end. Pakistan has demanded that he be arrested and handed over to it. In return it has promised to handover dreaded terrorist Dawood Ibrahim to India.

It is believed that the Indian Government is sympathetic to the offer. However, it is known to have imposed the condition that once handed over, Mr. Bhat must be denied access to microphones and TV crews, a condition Pakistan is believed to be happy to meet.

Monday, May 08, 2006

TCS Hits 3 billion Dollars, Gifts Pocket Radio to Employees

Mumbai:

Tata Consultancy Services, India’s largest Software Services Company, today announced its financial results for the year 2005-06. Revenues for the year crossed USD 3 billion and TCS became the first Indian IT company to hit the milestone.

TCS has decided to celebrate this achievement in grand style. The company has decided to gift each of its employees a pocket radio device. It may be recalled that Cognizant Technology Solutions, an IT Company, had presented each of its employees with an Apple iPod Portable Music Player. Mr. S Ramadorai,CEO of TCS, told mediapersons that TCS too had planned to gift iPods to its employees, but discovered that the workforce of TCS was so large that the world-wide production capacity of iPods was not sufficient to meet the order that TCS was planning to place.

The devices would be delivered at every employee’s desk on 1st June, 2006. Employees have been asked to register themselves with the HR Department for the gift. Mr. Ramadorai hoped that this exercise would enable the company to calculate the actual size of its workforce, a count which had not been taken since 1999.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

After IITs and IIMs,Arjun Singh Demands Reservation for OBCs in H1-B Visas

New Delhi
Mr. Arjun Singh, Union Minister for Human Resources Development, today demanded a 49.5% quota for Other Backward Classes in the visas issued by the US Government to workers seeking to enter the United States.This comes in the wake of his decision to extend quotas in India's famed IITs and IIMs to this same percentage.

Mr. Singh has justified his demand by saying that with the opposition of Corporate India to the reservations, it was clear that they would be staying away from recruiting from these institutes. Hence there was a need to 'absorb' their graduates and who better to do so than the Immigration Department of the United States of America.

The United States Government has reacted sharply to the proposal and has refused to bow down to the demands of the Indian Government. It has threatened to derail the Indo-US Nuclear agreement, if the Indian Government pushed the Reservation demand too hard.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Chirac Visits India as Relations hit New 'Low'

New Delhi

President Jacques Chirac of France arrived in New Delhi today, beginning a visit to further bilateral relations and expand trade. Relations between the two countries, already vitiated by the Mittal-Arcelor affair hit a new 'low' when Mr Chirac, en route to his hotel, happened to see a giant hoarding for VIP Frenchie, a popular brand of men's undergarments manufactured and sold in India by VIP Industries.

Mr. Chirac was deeply disturbed by the association of a brand of undergarments to his country and its people. He wondered why the French had been singled out for such treatment in India and dared VIP Industries to come up with products named VIP Yankee or VIP Aussie.

In order to prevent this incident from snowballing into a major diplomatic row, the Indian Government has asked VIP Industries to rename its product and has now decided to publish an approved list of brand-names from which undergarments manufacturers will have to draw names for their products.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Nitish signs MOU with Infy, Will Ensure Low Attrition

Patna:

Newly elected Chief Minister of Bihar, Mr. Nitish Kumar today signed a Memorandum of Understanding with Infosys Chief Mentor, Mr. N.R. Narayana Murthy and Mr. Sabu Alem, a representative of Bihar's Kidnapping Industry to set up a Software Development Centre in Patna.

Media-persons attending a press-conference after the meeting were shocked to see a masked man sharing the podium with Mr. Kumar and Mr. Murthy. They were informed that Mr. Alem was part of the guarantee given by Mr. Kumar to ensure very low attrition rates as an incentive to attract IT companies to the state. As part of the agreement, his group would ensure a constant stream of Techies who would be abducted from the major IT cities of Bangalore and Hyderabad and sent to Patna. These workers would be relieved from their jobs in Patna only upon furnishing a hefty ransom. Revenues from this would be used to shore up Bihar's precarious finances.

To prevent competition to Maharashtra's IT industry from the upstart Patna, Mr. Vilasrao Deshmukh, Maharashtra's Chief Minister has pledged to work jointly with Mumbai's Underworld to ensure similar incentives to IT companies operating in Mumbai and Pune.

Sena Attacks Ice Cream, Calls it Symbol of Western Culture

Mumbai:

In a shocking incident last week, members of the Shiv Sena, attacked an Ice Cream parlour in the Mumbai suburb of Bandra, calling it a symbol of the Western influence that has taken over India today. Sena leader, Uddhav Thackeray, addressed media-persons after the incident and raised slogans against Western Culture. He announced that his party was beginning a massive campaign against 'Ice-Cream'. Declaring the consumption of Ice Cream a symbol of Indians aping 'Western Culture', he ordered Mumbaikars to enjoy Kulfi instead.

Meanwhile, the Sena has threatened people visiting an ice-cream parlour with dire consequences. It has also warned ice-cream vendors to switch to selling Kulfi within a week or face the ire of party.

Enthused by its success in banning Ice-Cream from Mumbai, the Sena has now announced new campaigns against bread and coffee. These campaigns would begin after Valentine's Day, when Sena members would return after taking the day off on the 14th of February to spend time with their special someone.