Monday, May 29, 2006

Government Unprepared for Rains, Amends Constitution to Stop Monsoon

Mumbai

The Maharashtra State Government today announced that despite year-long efforts, it has been unable to prepare itself adequately for the onset of the Rains. The Met Department has forecast rains to hit the state in the first week of June.

However, the Government said that it has back-up plans in place, if last ditch efforts to salvage the situation fail. It plans to ask the Central Government to bring forward a constitutional amendment which would seek to make it illegal for the Rain-Gods to advance on the state of Maharashtra.

It is reliably learnt that the State Government initially wanted to propose an amendment to ban the Monsoon from passing through the whole country. However, this proposal met with stiff opposition from the arid states of Rajasthan and Gujarat. Hence, it has been decided to restrict the amendment only to the state of Maharashtra.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Saurav Ganguly submits tax returns, IT Dept suspects under-declaration

Kolkata

Mr. Saurav Ganguly, former captain of the Indian Cricket Team, filed his annual tax returns in Kolkata 2 weeks ago. This has created a controversy over the last week, with the Kolkata office of the Income Tax Department raising concerns that Mr. Ganguly has under-declared his income for the last year in order to save tax.

The Income Tax department has based its allegations on the fact that there has been a significant difference in the amount declared by Mr. Ganguly between last year and this year. It cites this as reason enough to suspect that Mr. Ganguly has attempted to under-declare his income for the year.

Mr. Ganguly's lawyer, however, has said that the whole controversy was an attempt by Mr. Greg Chappel and Mr. Kiran More, coach and selector of the Indian Cricket team respectively, to humiliate his client. In his opinion the difference in declaration was due to the fact that Mr. Ganguly had been dropped from the National Team and hence had to depend only on his advertising contract with Sona Chandi Chyavanprash to support himself.

Pak Asks India to Stop Cross-Border Terrorism, Asks for Handover of Mahesh Bhat

Islamabad

The Pakistani Government today strongly urged India to give up its policy of cross-border terrotism targeted at Pakistan. The Foreign Minister of Pakistan declared that India had decided to avenge what India termed as infiltration of terrorists into India, by sending even more dangerous people into Pakistan.

The minister named Bollywood film director Mr. Mahesh Bhat as the foremost terrorist to have visited his country recently. Mr. Bhat is well known for his opinions on all types of issues. He is feared in India for his capacity to speak non-stop for hours on end. Pakistan has demanded that he be arrested and handed over to it. In return it has promised to handover dreaded terrorist Dawood Ibrahim to India.

It is believed that the Indian Government is sympathetic to the offer. However, it is known to have imposed the condition that once handed over, Mr. Bhat must be denied access to microphones and TV crews, a condition Pakistan is believed to be happy to meet.

Monday, May 08, 2006

TCS Hits 3 billion Dollars, Gifts Pocket Radio to Employees

Mumbai:

Tata Consultancy Services, India’s largest Software Services Company, today announced its financial results for the year 2005-06. Revenues for the year crossed USD 3 billion and TCS became the first Indian IT company to hit the milestone.

TCS has decided to celebrate this achievement in grand style. The company has decided to gift each of its employees a pocket radio device. It may be recalled that Cognizant Technology Solutions, an IT Company, had presented each of its employees with an Apple iPod Portable Music Player. Mr. S Ramadorai,CEO of TCS, told mediapersons that TCS too had planned to gift iPods to its employees, but discovered that the workforce of TCS was so large that the world-wide production capacity of iPods was not sufficient to meet the order that TCS was planning to place.

The devices would be delivered at every employee’s desk on 1st June, 2006. Employees have been asked to register themselves with the HR Department for the gift. Mr. Ramadorai hoped that this exercise would enable the company to calculate the actual size of its workforce, a count which had not been taken since 1999.