Sunday, February 26, 2006

Chirac Visits India as Relations hit New 'Low'

New Delhi

President Jacques Chirac of France arrived in New Delhi today, beginning a visit to further bilateral relations and expand trade. Relations between the two countries, already vitiated by the Mittal-Arcelor affair hit a new 'low' when Mr Chirac, en route to his hotel, happened to see a giant hoarding for VIP Frenchie, a popular brand of men's undergarments manufactured and sold in India by VIP Industries.

Mr. Chirac was deeply disturbed by the association of a brand of undergarments to his country and its people. He wondered why the French had been singled out for such treatment in India and dared VIP Industries to come up with products named VIP Yankee or VIP Aussie.

In order to prevent this incident from snowballing into a major diplomatic row, the Indian Government has asked VIP Industries to rename its product and has now decided to publish an approved list of brand-names from which undergarments manufacturers will have to draw names for their products.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Nitish signs MOU with Infy, Will Ensure Low Attrition

Patna:

Newly elected Chief Minister of Bihar, Mr. Nitish Kumar today signed a Memorandum of Understanding with Infosys Chief Mentor, Mr. N.R. Narayana Murthy and Mr. Sabu Alem, a representative of Bihar's Kidnapping Industry to set up a Software Development Centre in Patna.

Media-persons attending a press-conference after the meeting were shocked to see a masked man sharing the podium with Mr. Kumar and Mr. Murthy. They were informed that Mr. Alem was part of the guarantee given by Mr. Kumar to ensure very low attrition rates as an incentive to attract IT companies to the state. As part of the agreement, his group would ensure a constant stream of Techies who would be abducted from the major IT cities of Bangalore and Hyderabad and sent to Patna. These workers would be relieved from their jobs in Patna only upon furnishing a hefty ransom. Revenues from this would be used to shore up Bihar's precarious finances.

To prevent competition to Maharashtra's IT industry from the upstart Patna, Mr. Vilasrao Deshmukh, Maharashtra's Chief Minister has pledged to work jointly with Mumbai's Underworld to ensure similar incentives to IT companies operating in Mumbai and Pune.

Sena Attacks Ice Cream, Calls it Symbol of Western Culture

Mumbai:

In a shocking incident last week, members of the Shiv Sena, attacked an Ice Cream parlour in the Mumbai suburb of Bandra, calling it a symbol of the Western influence that has taken over India today. Sena leader, Uddhav Thackeray, addressed media-persons after the incident and raised slogans against Western Culture. He announced that his party was beginning a massive campaign against 'Ice-Cream'. Declaring the consumption of Ice Cream a symbol of Indians aping 'Western Culture', he ordered Mumbaikars to enjoy Kulfi instead.

Meanwhile, the Sena has threatened people visiting an ice-cream parlour with dire consequences. It has also warned ice-cream vendors to switch to selling Kulfi within a week or face the ire of party.

Enthused by its success in banning Ice-Cream from Mumbai, the Sena has now announced new campaigns against bread and coffee. These campaigns would begin after Valentine's Day, when Sena members would return after taking the day off on the 14th of February to spend time with their special someone.